What Is Conflict?

1. What Is Conflict?

Conflict arises from a perceived scarcity of resources and is a disagreement or clash between individuals or groups with opposing ideas, interests, or values. It can stem from differences in beliefs, goals, or needs, manifesting in verbal disputes, physical altercations, or subtle tensions. Conflict is natural in human interaction and can occur in personal relationships, in workplaces, in communities, and between nations. Although disruptive and stressful, conflict can also lead to growth, change, and improved understanding when managed effectively.

Your roommates are frustrated about dishwasher loading, colleagues disagree on presentation priorities, or a neighbor wants to cut down a beloved tree—these are all examples of conflict. Conflict occurs when interactions impede goals, needs, or well-being and always involve parties in a relationship. The primary issue in a conflict is a need or interest, which is seen as essential to satisfaction or happiness.

terms to know

Conflict

A form of relationship in which members find their interactions in some way impeding their goal, needs, or well-being. A perceived divergence of interests between two or more parties.

Parties

Individuals, groups, or entities involved directly in a conflict.

Relationship

An association between two or more people, groups, or entities, involving some form of interaction.

Need

An action, belief, or physical item that a party perceives as essential to their satisfaction or happiness.

Interest

An action, belief, or physical item that a party perceives as important to their satisfaction or happiness.

1a. Describing Conflict

Frequently, when describing conflict, people focus on their reactions. Imagine a workplace disagreement between Janet and Mo.

IN CONTEXT

Janet says: “I was so frustrated. Mo ignored my email about the project deadline. I approached Mo and said, ‘Mo, we need to discuss the timeline for the project.’

Mo shrugged and said, ‘I’ll get to it when I can.’

I felt dismissed and told Mo, ‘This is important; we can’t afford delays.’

Mo responded, ‘You’re overreacting, Jane’, and walked away.”

Jane recounts the conflict by focusing on her words, her actions, Mo’s responses, and her emotions. This typical reaction highlights personal viewpoints, feelings, and interpretations of events. When discussing conflict, it helps to step back and examine the basic elements of conflicts—not just personal reactions but what is truly happening.

Conflicts can emerge in a variety of situations where parties feel their needs or wants aren’t being met. Let’s look at some examples illustrating everyday conflict:

EXAMPLE

Conflict between friends: Janet wants to roll up the car windows and turn on the heat because she’s cold. Dee prefers the windows down for the fresh air, which keeps her alert while driving. Here, the conflict arises from Janet’s need for a comfortable temperature and Dee’s need for fresh air.

EXAMPLE

Conflict in a relationship: John wants to buy a motorcycle as a treat for himself. His husband Antony thinks motorcycles are dangerous and doesn’t see it as a worthwhile purchase. The conflict is between John’s desire for a motorcycle and Antony’s opposition to it.

EXAMPLE

Conflict at work: Jordan maintains the office printer by refilling paper and replacing ink, but his colleagues often leave it empty or jammed. Jordan wants a functional printer without being solely responsible for its upkeep, while his coworkers are disengaged in maintaining it.

These examples highlight how everyday conflicts arise from differing needs and wants in various relationships and settings.

1b. The Neutrality of Conflict

Conflict in a neutral state
Conflict arises from a perceived divergence of interests, where parties believe they want different things. In interpersonal conflicts, this means perceiving incompatibility between what you and someone else want. However, that isn’t always the case.

EXAMPLE

Consider two sisters who wanted an orange but only had one. They fought, eventually cutting it in half. Later, they discovered one wanted the rind for baking and the other the juice. If they had communicated, they would have realized there was no competition, and both could have had what they wanted.

think about it

Has there ever been a time you’ve jumped to a conclusion when communicating would have helped you resolve the conflict before it escalated?

• What happened?
• What might have happened instead if you sought to understand the other party rather than giving in to the perceived incompatibility?

Perception of conflict as good
Conflict can arise from differences of opinion, scarcity of resources, personal beliefs, or other factors. When we perceive conflict as good, we see it as an opportunity for growth or positive change. Here are examples where this perception leads to positive outcomes:

EXAMPLE

Conflict often arises in work teams. If team members have differing ideas on a project, suggest an open dialogue about everyone’s perspectives instead of letting the conflict escalate. Through discussion, you combine ideas, resulting in a stronger final product and a strengthened team relationship

EXAMPLE

You’ve completed an amazing project with your team, excited to implement it at the company level, only to find another team competing for the same budget. Both projects are important, so you call a meeting to see if the budget can accommodate both. After discussing details and identifying overlaps, both teams create a joint proposal that fits the budget and leverages the strengths of both projects.

EXAMPLE

Jess and Ellis, who work together, have a conflict. Jess observes a religious tradition requiring breaks, while Ellis, who dislikes breaks, feels disrupted. Ellis becomes visibly irritated and comments on Jess’s lack of respect for the work. Later, Jess explains the importance of their practice, and Ellis explains the need for minimal disruption. Through discussion, they find a solution accommodating both needs, fostering a more inclusive and supportive work environment.

Perception of conflict as bad
When we see conflict as bad, it often leads to negative outcomes and becomes more difficult to resolve. Here are examples where perceiving conflict negatively can lead to poor results:

EXAMPLE

In a team with differing ideas, no one suggests open dialogue, so there’s no agreement on the project direction. Differences are seen as a hindrance, leading to communication breakdown, defensiveness, and prioritization of personal agendas over team goals. As tensions rise, team morale and productivity drop. Jules, a lead producer known for winning ideas, resigns, making future success even harder for the team.

EXAMPLE

Continuing from the example above, Alex now oversees the dysfunctional team. Previously a positive person willing to talk things out, Alex is now stressed, and it’s affecting their personal life. Alex and Shae, best friends for 20 years, are having disagreements about their time together. Instead of resolving differences, Alex starts avoiding Shae, leading to less time together. Because they view the distance as unfixable, their conflict grows into resentment, and they eventually stop speaking. Had they seen the conflict as an opportunity for growth, they could have addressed their differences and maintained their friendship. Instead, they let the conflict escalate and end their relationship.

reflect

How has viewing conflict in a negative light affected your life and relationships?

Imagine driving through a parking lot with many speed bumps. You’re fine at first, but after the seventh or eighth bump, you get irritated. By the 15th bump, you want to scream. Now, think about a typical day: You wake up happy but run out of toothpaste, spill coffee while driving late to work, and arrive to find your boss waiting for a report you forgot. The day continues poorly. That night, you rush to meet a friend for dinner, but they immediately ask why you’re late. This friend becomes speed bump 16. Because of your bad day, you view conflict negatively. Instead of approaching with empathy, you argue and walk out of the restaurant.

EXAMPLE

By the time we see an escalated conflict, much has occurred below the surface. In the positive examples where conflict was addressed early through communication, there wasn’t much negativity to sort through. When conflict is viewed negatively, it can escalate destructively. For example, if two neighboring countries face a scarcity of vital resources like water or fertile land and their leaders see the situation as a zero-sum game, this fuels animosity and distrust, leading to armed conflict. The negative perception of conflict exacerbates tensions and perpetuates violence, highlighting the importance of seeking peaceful resolutions, even in times of scarcity.

term to know

Conflict as Good

A perception that conflict is an experience that provides opportunities for growth or positive change.

2. Common Features of Conflict

Conflict is characterized by several common features that interact to create and escalate tensions. Typically, conflicts arise from perceived incompatible goals or desires. Miscommunication and misunderstandings can heighten emotional responses like anger and frustration. Conflicts are often fueled by perceived scarcity of resources, differing values, beliefs, and power imbalances. Personal differences in personality and attitudes, along with unresolved issues, complicate interactions. Recognizing these features is crucial for understanding and resolving disputes.

2a. Perceived Incompatibility

Conflict usually involves a perceived incompatibility over the following:

• Goals: One party wants a community garden; another wants to build a high-rise.
• Needs: A night-shift worker needs sleep, but a neighbor’s dog barks.
• Beliefs: A religious group believes certain people should have more power, while others believe in equal access.
• Actions: One person cleans the kitchen; housemates leave it dirty.
• Relationships: A friend is always late, causing annoyance over a perceived lack of value.

did you know

This course focuses on conflicts between parties, but intrapersonal conflict also exists, such as tension between ambition and laziness or struggles with addiction or skill growth.

think about it

What are some of the ways that you define yourself?
What are the major components of your identity?

term to know

Intrapersonal Conflict

A state of conflict between parts or aspects of a single individual.

2b. Power

Once a conflict surfaces, power becomes involved. Power is the ability to control individuals or groups through influence, force, coercion, or manipulation to make them do something they wouldn’t otherwise do. Power can take many forms.

EXAMPLE

Consider the situation with the two sisters and the orange. Initially, both wanted the orange and started fighting. Focused on winning, they split the orange. Later, they realized one wanted the rind for baking and the other the juice. Communication could have resolved this without conflict.

Now, let’s explore other ways they could use power to resolve their conflict:

• Social power: One sister might seek support from family members to pressure the other into giving up the orange.
• Self-protective power: One sister might avoid interacting with the other until the dispute is resolved.
• Rhetorical power: One sister could argue her need for the rind is more crucial, persuading the other to give her the rind and take the juice.
• Force: One sister could physically take the orange and refuse to share.
• Coercion: One sister might give an ultimatum, threatening to hide or permanently take the orange if the other doesn’t back down.